Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
