Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
