Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
not ubering you a puppy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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