I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
