one two three fourrrrnication!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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