i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
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You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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