no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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