Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
