We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I could fuck to npr.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
