Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
