Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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