Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
