dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
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I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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