never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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