the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
