Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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