it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
being pregnant is like rehab
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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