dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
