You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
