fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
