I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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