guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
These tits shall not be calmed
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