You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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