I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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