Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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