WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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