and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
