I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
