How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
