Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
