I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
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Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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