You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
