Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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