we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
