I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
