I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
