Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
