if i can run in heels then i can drive
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im holly from the hills drunk
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
