doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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