Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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