Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
