You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
