You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
