true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
