i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
