Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
