Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
