My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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