so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
