sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
