dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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