Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
