if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Michael Bay diarrhea
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
