two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
