I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
