Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
