babies were throwing up all over the place
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
