so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
