he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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