By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
