My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
