tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
