Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
