well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
