hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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