Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
