I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
