I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
