Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
