He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
