sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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