peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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